Author's Note: I wrote this fic in classes. I kinda like it, but the ending almost made me cry.
Another very mature fic about blin_182, but, for once, it's not Mark/Tom. Well, okay, a little bit of it is. But mainly it's Mark/Travis. I sort of like that pairing, and the idea behind this fic was so sad, but so cute, that I had to write it.
Not for anyone who doesn't like hardcore.
Name: Shut the Door, Open the Window
Pairing: Mark/Travis (blink_182)
Genre: Smut, Romance, Angst
Rating: R
Shut the Window, Open the Door
I was shaking, both hands gripping the steering wheel, driving somewhere, driving anywhere but where I’d started. I’d never been angrier at anyone or anything in my life.
Tom fucked Scott. Forever ago, and before we were “officially” exclusive, but still. He couldn’t even have the decency to tell me before then?
I still can’t believe he didn’t understand why I was upset. I mean, the second after I kissed Tom for the first time, I decided that I would never want to make love to anyone else ever again. He was the only one for me.
But Tom… I gave him a kiss, and he gave Scott a blow job, all in eight hours.
“I don’t get the big deal!” Tom had shouted after me when I left. That was the worst part – figuring out that the things that are important to me don’t matter to Tom.
I glanced at myself in the rearview mirror as I drove. My eyes were red from suppressed tears of anger and betrayal, and my hair was mussed from running my hands through it. And that’s when I saw it – the thing that gave me the idea and started one of the weirdest, most beautiful experiences of my life.
Travis’s drumsticks were laying in my backseat, crossed in a perfect X as if marking the spot that I should drive to. My heart was light and my jaw was set as I jerked my car around, heading off to make everything better.
Travis was surprised when he opened the door and saw me on his porch. “Mark? What are you-?”
He stopped when I pressed my lips to his.
Travis’s big blue eyes were wide when I pulled away.
“What… What was that?” he whispered.
I shoved him through the door and into the hall, pushing his back against the wall. “Something I’ve wanted to do for a long time,” I lied quietly, and I kissed him again.
After just a few moments, Travis melted in my arms.
I’d always known Travis felt something for me. This whole thing was almost too perfect, too easy. Fuck Travis and rub it in Tom’s face – brilliant. I was too angry to think about what I was doing to Travis.
I stripped off Travis’s clothes and we tripped and kissed our way to the kitchen. Travis laid back across the table, running his thumb over the underside of his erection and moaning quietly. I watched, almost fascinated, my pants suddenly seeming two sizes too small. I brushed my fingers gently down Travis’s side, wanting to touch him but not wanting him to stop what he was doing.
Everything about Travis was so different from Tom. His large eyes stayed trained on mine as he teased himself, the lips that I’d kissed parted with a mixture of innocence and lust. His lips were unlike Tom’s, too. They were full and soft, while Tom’s were thin and eager and rarely stayed in one place at a time.
And his body! Travis’s body was nothing like Tom’s tall, sturdy, strong one, all muscles and masculinity. No, Travis was lithe and delicate, with long, spidery limbs. Tom’s skin was a healthy color, and grew sticky with sweat not soon after we started making love. Travis’s was pure white, and remained dry and thin, as if he were made of paper and his tattoos were just ink drawings. Tom moved fast with everything, even sex. He was quick and touchy, always trying to bring me as high up as he could, as fast as he could. Travis wanted to keep me heated up for as long as possible, knowing just what I wanted to see him do to himself, just what made my dick swell and strain against my zipper.
I unzipped my jeans and pulled out my almost painfully hard cock. I kept my shirt on and only pulled my pants down as far as I needed to. Travis slid, cat-like, onto his stomach. The table was just short enough for him to dip his head over the edge and kiss his way up my member before swallowing it. I vaguely remembered Travis telling me that he had no gag reflex, and it was obvious in the way he took me down his throat, bobbing his head slowly. The tip of his mohawk brushed my stomach, until it tickled so much that I took a step back. Travis pulled his head up, looking curious and worried, maybe wondering if he’d done something wrong. I don’t think it helped that I was avoiding his gaze – I couldn’t stand to look at him, knowing that I was probably going to break his heart.
“What's wrong?” Travis asked, sitting back on his heels. A flicker of fear crossed his face. “Did I do something?”
“No.” I kissed Travis’s neck apologetically. “No, I’m sorry. I just…” I looked him up and down and said the only honest thing I had even thought of since I’d come in. “You’re so fucking hot, and… God, I want you so bad…”
Travis blushed and smiled. He laid back on the table again and wrapped his legs around my waist. He pulled me down and kissed me. “You can do whatever you want with me,” he breathed in my ear. “I’m yours.”
I smirked. “Will do.”
Travis gasped as I pushed a finger into him. He was so tight – a virgin, most likely, at least in that area. It had been a long time since Tom had felt like that, if ever.
I pinned Travis’s hips beneath my hand. I knew he wasn’t ready, but I added another finger. He groaned, a mixture of pleasure, pan, and heat. He tried to thrust up, to drive my fingers deeper. I had only driven them in up to the second knuckle, and he was whimpering for more.
“Do you like that?” I asked.
Travis nodded and groaned.
“Does it feel good?” I whispered.
“U-Uh-huh,” he stuttered, eyes closed.
I drew my fingers out. Travis squirmed and made a tiny, pitiful, desperate sound. “Then tell me,” I commanded.
Travis gripped onto my shoulders and whispered into my ear. “It feels so good to have your fingers inside me,” he murmured. He was blushing, and his words betrayed a soft innocence. A new side of me took over – I wanted to humiliate him, hurt him, berate him, abuse him, make him cry and bleed and moan with pain and guilt. That innocence would kill me if I didn’t.
I ran my thumb across his entrance, cupping his ass in my hand. “Keep talking.”
Travis swallowed, and I could feel his Adam’s apple move against my shoulder. “I love having you in me. My own fingers aren’t enough. I’ve always wanted to have you on top of me like this, forcing yourself into me…”
My heart was beating so fast that it hurt. A savage voice in my head was muttering: “Tom never would have said those things. He never would have done this. Any of this. He’d never let you hurt him, control him…
Travis wasn’t Tom, that was definite. He was so obedient, and more than generous with every part of himself. I leaned so close to Travis that the tips of our noses touched, and I shoved both on my fingers harshly into him.
Travis whimpered out in pain and held tightly onto me. He put his cheek to mine, and I could feel his hot, shallow breathing on my ear. It flared a fire in me, made me think of Tom, made me think of what I was doing, and I was angry again, at who, I don’t know. I moved my fingers in and out quickly, trying to hurt Travis as much as I could. He didn’t object, just bit his lip and moaned.
I almost started to cry when I looked at his face, his brow furrowed in pain. Travis hated pain. He just loved me enough to deal with it, to do whatever I wanted him to do.
“God dammit, Travis,” I muttered, kissing his cheek. “If you don’t like it, say so.”
Travis shook his head, determined. “I do. I like it.” He ran a hand through my hair and gave me a shaky smile.
I continued to fuck him with my fingers, stunned that he still hadn’t pushed me away. I could tell from the heat on my fingertips that Travis would feel amazing inside.
I took Travis’s hand and wrapped his thin fingers around his cock. “I wanna watch you again.”
Travis obeyed, like I knew he would. He began stroking slowly, a contrast to what my fingers were doing to him. His head was back and his eyes were closed. He looked like an angel.
I didn’t think Travis was ready, but my swollen cock had already started to drip with precum, and I was worried how long I would last. I put my dick between the fingers inside of him and started to push.
Travis’s eyes snapped open, as though he had just come out of a trance. “W-Wait!” he sputtered, eyes wide. “Wait! What are we doing? We can’t!”
“What do you mean, we can’t?” I asked. I grabbed his shoulder, holding him still.
“We can’t, we can’t!” Travis looked on the verge of tears, but he couldn’t move. “What about Tom?”
Tom.
The whole reason I was here. I gritted my teeth. Just hearing the name pissed me off. What about Tom?
“Fuck Tom,” I snapped, and I drove my dick into Travis as hard as I could.
Travis cried out. It was hard for me to move inside him – I had completely forgotten any kind of lube – but I didn’t care. I pulled out and buried myself in his ass again. So fucking tight, so fucking hot… I started thrusting as fast and hard as possible. I pulled his legs up roughly. I wanted to get deeper, to be all the way in.
I pulled back, letting go of Travis’s shoulder and roughly grabbing both of his hips. He was thrusting up to meet me, but he was feeble – it must have really hurt. All I could feel was the friction on my cock, the warmth of him around me, the blood that had started seeping out of him thanks to my not-so-tender movements. Travis tried to hide the tears of pain dripping down his cheeks, but I grabbed his wrist before he could wipe them away.
I licked at one of the small rivulets. His tears were sweet.
I turned Travis over onto his knees and clambered up onto the table behind him, not stopping for even a second. He was panting and moaning, and I realized that I was making the same sounds.
I kissed his shoulder, running my hand across his chest and down his stomach, brushing my fingers against his member. He gave a soft shudder beneath me. “M-Mark,” he whispered hoarsely. He moaned. “Oh, Mark…”
A spike of heat shot through my body. No one had ever said my name like that.
I gently grasped Travis’s cock and began lightly pumping. The whimpering, almost tragic moans he made as I plunged into him again and again were driving me up the wall. I knew I wouldn’t even be able to last another five minutes at this rate.
I stopped, completely sheathed inside of Travis. I held his hips with the hand that wasn’t already preoccupied so that he couldn’t move. He made a tiny, frustrated noise. He looked over his shoulder at me, and just the desperate, lustful look in those baby blues almost made me lose it.
“Travis.” My voice was rough. “I need you to come.” I didn’t know why it was so important that he finished before I did. It made sense at the time, but I don’t know how.
Travis just nodded, still panting lightly. “O-Okay.”
He surprised me by turning, giving me a kiss, and then gently laying me on my back. He straddled my hips with surprising quickness and agility, slowly forcing me back into him. He groaned, moving up and down on my shaft, his hands resting on my stomach. I watched, my lips parted, my mind drunk with lust. I grabbed onto Travis’s hips and guided him, forcing him to go faster. After a moment, I shifted ever so slightly.
Travis gave a loud moan that could have well been straight from a porno. “Oh, God!” He lifted himself up a little, giving me room to thrust. “Harder, Mark,” he begged. “Harder… Faster, please…”
I complied – I couldn’t say no to him. I hit the spot that had made him moan over and over, faster and faster, as hard as I could, and then he was coming, spilling his seed across my stomach and chest, the warmth that I was buried in tightening, his knees digging into my sides. He reached out, slid his finger through the cum on my stomach, and licked it off of his fingertip. The look that he gave me as he lapped up his cum was so smoldering that I felt my cock twitch, and then white lights burst before my eyes in my orgasm. I thrust up hard. “Jesus… Travis!”
It wasn’t until Travis was off of me and lying, breathing heavily, at my side that I closed my eyes, horrified. Oh, God. What had I done? Tom…
I turned to look at Travis. His thin body was trembling, and there was a droplet of blood making its way down his thigh, but I don’t think I’d ever seen him look so sweet and serene. He gave me a small, sleepy smile and curled up next to me.
I jerked away. I couldn’t stand to touch him. I could barely even look at him. This would kill Tom. It would destroy him.
I thought about Scott. Good, I told myself. I hope it kills him.
I slid off the table and got dressed, still not looking at Travis. I found his black jeans and tossed them over my shoulder to him. After a few moments’ hesitation, I heard him shuffle into them.
I grabbed the doorknob. “This isn’t going to happen again, is it?” Travis asked from behind me.
I winced at the hurt in his voice. I stared at the ground. “You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do.” Travis grabbed onto my hand. I looked up into his wet, sweet eyes. “Mark, I…” He shook his head. “I know it didn’t mean anything to you, but it – it meant a lot to me, and, I guess, just… Even if it doesn’t happen again…” He put a hand to my cheek. “Thank you.”
He gave me a soft, gentle kiss. My heart felt tight, and I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ll see you later,” I mumbled lamely, and I walked out. I drove home in a fog – I could still feel Travis’s lips on mine and his legs around my waist.
I pulled into my driveway and laid my forehead against the steering wheel, sighing deeply. What if Tom could tell? I had the sudden, paranoid delusion that Tom would see me and know. But wasn’t that what I wanted?
My stomach dropped the second I saw Tom in our living room. His eyes were red-rimmed, but he forced a smile when he saw me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking at the man I loved. I cleared my throat. “I, uh…”
Tom held up a hand. “No, no, it’s fine. I understand what you meant before, and… I’m sorry. I should have told you.” He walked to me and wrapped his arms around me. “I’ve been feeling guilty all day.”
I almost burst into tears.
Tom pulled away, smiling at me as if I was the only good thing there was left in his life. “So, where have you been?” he asked innocently, and I could tell that he didn’t have a clue.
I thought of Travis’s warm mouth on my cock and I blushed. “I was just blowing off some steam.”
Tom thought nothing of it, just popped in an old copy of National Lampoon’s Vacation. We didn’t even get halfway through it before he unzipped my fly and lowered his head onto my lap, licking my shaft until the movie was completely forgotten and we made our way to the bedroom.
I showed up at Travis’s the next day. I don’t know why. All I know is that the smile he gave me and the warm happiness he so freely showed was worth anything in the world.
As things slowly dissolved with Tom, Travis and I got closer and closer. Losing one, gaining another. A door shutting, a window opening.
I don’t like to say that I was cheating on Tom. Really, I was transitioning. He was falling into addiction and despair, and I was falling into bed with Travis. I really think that this was how it was meant to happen.
I miss Tom sometimes, I really do. I can’t even compare him and Travis – they’re too different. Whenever Tom could sense I was down, he’d joke around, pop in a movie, and take my mind off it. Travis curls up next to me, listening to whatever I have to say, reminding me that he will always be there. Whenever I had sex with Tom, power was equal – Tom may have been on bottom, but he found ways of controlling me. He hated the idea that he was being submissive. With Travis, he does what I want, when I want, where I want. I had sex with Tom in a car a few times, but that was as crazy as it got. I’ve fucked Travis in elevators, restaurants, backstage at shows, on the couch while both of our wives chatted in the other room. But I still can’t for the life of me tell you who I love more. They’re both perfect, just in different ways.
Tom has been long gone by now – three years – and Travis is gone as well, doing a free concert with DJ AM. I’m just watching TV, waiting for Travis to come home and give me that smile I’ve been missing.
A newscast is on. Some woman is babbling about a plane crash – the pilot drove off the road and crashed through a fence. I cringe. A plane crash… Horrible. I can’t even imagine.
They’re showing two people lying out in the road. A whole squad of people is rushing to their aid. They pick up one of the men – dead or alive, I don’t know – and they strap his thin body into a stretcher, covering the papery tattooed skin…
Oh, God.
Author's Note: Hope you enjoy!
